11 Ways We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop

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Let’s be honest: how many goals did you set this January? And how many of them have you actually achieved?

I’m guessing it’s not 100%.

If so, don’t worry — that’s completely normal.

In fact, only 20% of the U.S. population sets goals at the start of the year, and among that 20%, only 30% actually achieves them.

So basically, less than 8% of people in the U.S. reach their goals.

The culprit?

Self-sabotage.

Decoding your own self-sabotage patterns is how you take your power back — and finally achieve the goals you set.

Ready to discover the 11 most common forms of self-sabotage and how to overcome them?

Let’s dive in!

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What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is the act of getting in your own way with poor thinking and decision-making.

When you self-sabotage, you make decisions that create obstacles to achieving your goals and your dream life.

Self-sabotage can be conscious or unconscious behavior. It can show up as subtle behaviors or obvious bad habits. In both cases, self-sabotage results from an internal conflict between a conscious and an unconscious desire.

Self-sabotage always has adverse outcomes.

However, self-sabotaging behaviors are always motivated by one desire: protecting ourselves.

Yes, we engage in self-sabotaging behaviors because we want to protect ourselves, yet we end up doing the exact opposite: hurting ourselves.

As you will see below, humans try to protect themselves from hypothetical threats by making conscious and unconscious decisions.

Understanding that most of what we consider threats are actually opportunities to grow will significantly help us overcome self-sabotage behaviors.

What Does Self-Sabotage Look Like?

Self-sabotage can take many different forms.

If you decide to become the fittest person you know and promise yourself to eat healthily, self-sabotaging can be working out and then eating a whole KFC bucket because, “Hey, I’ve spent the last 30 minutes running on a treadmill, so I deserve it“.

Self-sabotaging can also look like dating a bad person for years when you know you deserve better.

But there are many other forms of self-sabotage.

So here are 11 ways we self-sabotage, their impacts, and how to overcome them.

1. Resistance

The most common form of self-sabotage is resistance.

Resistance happens when you know you need to work on a big project but cannot bring yourself to sit at your desk and actually get things done.

Resistance also occurs when you have a life-changing idea, such as creating your own online business, but never actually start working on it.

If resisting is a form of self-sabotage you are guilty of, you usually do it for positive things.

If you have a serious problem that needs to be solved ASAP, you will rarely oppose resistance. You will do whatever it takes to get it sorted out ASAP.

Resistance only shows up when preparing for something positive, especially when the outcome is likely to impact your life significantly.

Again, we usually self-sabotage to unconsciously protect ourselves from what we consider a threat.

At first sight, trying to protect ourselves from something positive can seem inconceivable. Yet, this happens more than you imagine.

Self-sabotaging ourselves when trying to achieve a goal that is likely to be life-changing is a way to protect us from the unknown.

Human beings see new situations as possible threats, and stepping out of our comfort zone is often perceived as taking a risk.

The resistance we apply in such situations is a self-defense mechanism we follow to protect ourselves.

1.1 How To Overcome Resistance

There is usually a misunderstanding about what resistance means. Resistance and procrastination are not the same things.

Procrastination is usually the result of a lack of inspiration and motivation, while resistance is the sign that something is off.

When you feel resistance to starting doing something you should be excited about, you should consider this feeling and take a step back. Resistance is mostly a symptom of fear.

If you feel like resisting achieving a goal, take the time to identify the fears and limiting beliefs that make you feel this way.

Breaking these limiting beliefs will help you stop self-sabotaging.

2. The Invisible Ceiling

The invisible ceiling we are discussing here is essentially your tolerance and threshold for positive feelings and experiences.

When people hit their invisible ceiling, they tend to sabotage their progress to return to what feels comfortable and familiar.

When in this situation, a lot of people have negative beliefs, which result in self-sabotaging.

An obvious example is when people start to think that things have been going “too” well lately and that something terrible is about to happen.

If you have ever experienced this feeling, you know that in this situation, we often start to feel physical or mental tension, such as headaches and fear.

We suddenly go from a stage of happiness to excessive worry.

In other cases, people just think something bad is about to happen due to low self-esteem. If you are in this situation, you feel like you do not deserve to be this happy and expect something terrible to happen.

2.1 How To Break The Invisible Ceiling

Breaking the ceiling will be easy once you realize that you deserve to be happy and that there should be no limit to your happiness.

This type of self-sabotage is the sign that great things are about to happen in your life and that you are leveling up.

Instead of worrying about what negative event will break the happiness cycle, convince yourself that the fear you feel is temporary.

Human beings like being comfortable.

Everything new and not familiar is uncomfortable and represents a possible threat.

It is not a threat to your safety but to your routine.

In this situation, you must force yourself to overcome this fear until your new life becomes familiar. Your comfort zone will then naturally evolve, and what was a new terrifying experience will soon become a new standard you will be comfortable with.

3. Perfectionism

Perfection is the worst enemy of action.

When you expect to create something perfect, you actually enter into a never-ending cycle because perfection does not exist.

Wanting everything to be perfect might seem like a positive thing, and that’s why many people answer, “I am a perfectionist,” when they are asked about their weaknesses during a job interview.

In fact, perfectionism has many negative impacts on our lives.

If you are a perfectionist and try to achieve perfection, you are setting unrealistic expectations for your life. You are probably overestimating your capabilities and how good your future life could be.

Perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage because it prevents us from showing up and getting things done.

Perfectionism is often a sign of fear of failure.

Perfectionists tend to stay stuck on details and are unable to move on to the next task.

This behavior hurts the lives of perfectionists.

Because they can’t move on until they consider something perfect, they are missing the opportunity to do the next thing and improve themselves.

3.1 How To Get Past Perfectionism

The very first step to overcoming perfectionism is to stop overthinking.

Get things done, and don’t focus on making things perfect. Focus on getting things done instead.

Allow yourself to make mistakes because mistakes help us grow and master our art. Stop worrying about your fear of failure and simply show up and get things done.

Perfectionism and overthinking often go hand in hand.

Overthinking comes with a lot of emotional pain and other uncomfortable feelings.

The truth is that we rarely accomplish anything amazing when submerged in negative emotions.

On the contrary, we tend to perform better when we lower our expectations and focus on making progress and not being perfect.

Writing a book is a great example of how perfectionism can hold you back.

Instead of trying to write the perfect introduction that will make you win a Pulitzer prize, focus on making progress and writing the whole book.

You will have time to edit it after finishing writing it. You will never get there if you don’t focus on the progress.

4. Limited Emotional Processing Skills

Not being able to process your emotions is another form of self-sabotage.

Life is full of saddening, upsetting, frustrating, or even enraging situations. Of course, there will also be situations that will trigger positive feelings such as inspiration, hope, and joy.

These circumstances, good or bad, make life so worth it. These experiences make us grow and help us find ourselves.

Not being able to process the feelings that come along will deprive you of these experiences.

Mark Manson, the author of “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck” wrote a few words that hit me:

“Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a
positive experience.“

Bad experiences help us grow.

And when you don’t know how to process your negative emotions, you tend to avoid experiences that might cause these feelings.

This destructive behavior will tremendously impact your overall life satisfaction. Avoiding these uncomfortable situations might feel good now, but you are not doing your future self a favor by doing so.

If you do not develop the tools necessary to deal with negative thoughts and emotions, you will never be able to go through adverse situations and grow from them.

This is why, instead of avoiding negative emotions at all costs, you need to sit and learn how to process them.

4.1 How To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

We all process emotions differently, but no matter how you do it, your approach should include a few key steps.

Start by shifting your perspective.

Instead of focusing only on your own perception, try to see what happened from the point of view of everyone involved. Understanding their perspective can help you see the situation more clearly.

Then, write down how you feel and what triggered those emotions.

Was it something said, the tone used, or what the event reminded you of?

Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel this way — anyone in your position would probably feel the same. Recognizing this helps you talk about your emotions openly and release them.

Finally, decide how you’ll handle similar situations in the future.

For example, instead of keeping everything bottled up, express how you feel and why. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s the healthiest way to process negative emotions and prevent deeper pain later on.

5. Making Excuses

Goal setting is an exciting part of every life transformation journey.

Defining goals gives us hope for a better future; we are all excited and feel ready to move mountains.

Unfortunately, motivation tends to decrease pretty rapidly. This is when people usually start to make excuses for not showing up at the gym for several days.

Justification and excuses are manifestations of self-sabotage.

Indeed, your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow. People are remembered for what they achieved, not what they planned to achieve.

It is easy to fall for excessive justification because it makes us feel satisfied, just as if we accomplished what we planned.

Let’s say you have decided to get fit and exercise 5 times a week.

If you decide not to show up at the gym and justify it by “I have too much work” or “I only slept 5 hours last night“, you will feel like you did your best to stay committed to your goal but had valid reasons not to work on it, so it feels like it is somehow OK.

After all, if you decide not to show up because you are too tired or because you “need” to watch the latest episode of your favorite show, the result is the same: you did not show up.

Justification makes not committing to your goals seem acceptable, and finding excuses is the easiest way to end up trapped in a life you don’t like.

5.1 How To Stop Making Excuses

Start tracking your habits and measuring your outcomes instead of relying on this false idea that you are doing your best.

Your success will no longer be measured by the number of days you plan to work out but by the number of times you actually do it.

You either did it or not. Stop finding excuses and do the things you committed to. If you consistently fail to achieve your goals, analyze the situation to define why you can’t get things done.

You might have set goals that are simply too ambitious. Doing so is counterproductive. You will rapidly feel demotivated and give up.

Set smaller goals instead and focus on making progress daily. Start tracking your progress and ensure you keep setting bigger but still achievable goals as you go.

You’ll quickly achieve your initial goal — and realize how much your excuses were holding you back.

6. Uprooting

Uprooting happens when you keep jumping from one thing to another to stay busy — all while avoiding the real work that would actually move you forward.

It can look like changing your logo or business name over and over instead of reaching out to your first clients. Or rewriting the introduction of your book ten times instead of finishing the next chapter.

Sometimes, uprooting shows up in your personal life too — like moving from one relationship to another instead of learning to love yourself first.

This constant craving for a “fresh start” often reveals a deeper conflict — a clash of values, unaddressed fear, or chronic stress.

You’ve probably felt it before: “Today is my day one.” You make a promise to start fresh, slip up a few hours later, and think, “I’ll start again tomorrow.”

But chasing new beginnings without ever following through is like opening a new chapter every day without ever finishing the story. It leaves you feeling stuck — frustrated, unmotivated, and questioning your ability to change.

Over time, this cycle chips away at your confidence and creates a pattern of self-sabotage that keeps you from building the life you want. Recognizing it is the first step to breaking it.

6.1 How To Break The Cycle

To break the cycle, you first need to acknowledge it.

If you often find yourself craving a fresh start, pause and reflect on why.

How many times have you planned one? What made you feel the need to begin again? And what emotions come up when you do?

Understanding why you keep wanting to start over is the first step toward breaking the cycle. Sometimes, uprooting happens when we rush into something we think we want—without taking the time to reflect on whether we truly do.

For example, maybe you decide to start an online business. Not because it’s your dream, but because you read a post about how much money bloggers make and want the same success.

You dive in headfirst, buy a domain, watch tutorials, and design your logo—only to keep changing fonts and colors every day because nothing feels quite right.

If you find yourself endlessly tweaking, it might not be your logo that’s the problem. It might be that the goal itself doesn’t align with what you genuinely want.

You’re chasing the outcome, not the process.

Uprooting, in this case, is a sign to slow down and reassess. When you truly love what you’re building, a fresh start doesn’t feel exciting—it feels like a setback.

7. Disorganization

Physical clutter inevitably leads to mental chaos.

Not taking care of your living and working space creates chaos and distractions that will hold you back.

To thrive, you need to be able to focus your time and energy on activities that support your goals and help you grow.

Living in a clean and organized environment will be a game-changer in improving your life.

Not having to waste time cleaning every weekend or looking for things constantly will give you more time to focus on what matters.

This means that every item in your house should have one place where it needs to be returned at the end of the day.

You need to keep your clothes clean, ironed, and organized so you don’t waste time looking for what to wear every morning.

You need to implement a system to organize your bills so you don’t waste time looking for them and end up paying late fees.

Create a simple cleaning schedule so your weekends aren’t spent cleaning.

Being disorganized is just another way to slow you down on your way to success.

Related read: How to Become the Most Organized Person You Know

7.1 How To Become The Most Organized Person You Know

If you think that you don’t have enough time to implement systems to organize your life and space, think again.

Being an organized person is what gives you time for everything else.

Implementing your system will not take you longer than a weekend but will forever transform your life.

How do you actually get it done? Start by decluttering one room after another and find a “home” for every item in your house.

Decide on what you want to keep, donate, sell, or throw away. And actually do it right away. Do not store these items in another room or garage.

Make a decision, apply it, and move on.

Once your space has been decluttered, implement a system to keep it clean and tidy.

Your environment significantly impacts your daily habits and productivity. Habits describe the way people interact with their environment.

To implement new habits that stick, make your environment work with you and not against you.

8. Attachment To Meaningless Things or Goals

Knowing what you truly want can be tough when people around you constantly influence you.

Trying desperately to achieve a goal someone else has set for you is a form of self-sabotage. Focusing your energy on achieving something that seems superficial will not improve your life satisfaction.

We all have different goals and values. Trying to achieve a goal that doesn’t mean anything to you will not bring positive emotions to your life.

Our relationships can considerably impact our vision of success. Nevertheless, it is crucial to figure out what you really want despite the noise around you.

Refusing to admit that you do not want to achieve the same goals as your surroundings is usually a sign of low self-esteem.

Never let your surroundings negatively impact your goals. And, of course, do not let anyone set life goals on your behalf.

When setting a new goal, ask yourself, “Do I want this?” Do you want to have children, or are you planning to have some because it’s what everyone else does?

Do you want that new job, or do you only like the paycheck that comes along or how the title sounds?

Do you want to spend all your life living in the same city, or do you plan to do so because moving abroad scares the sh*t out of you?

Understanding why you set goals and acknowledging that some of them might be irrelevant to you will be key to giving your life a new direction.

8.1 How To Detach Yourself From Irrelevant Goals

To understand what goals are important for you, you might need to take a step back and rethink your life as a whole and ask yourself the following questions:

1. Where would you like to be in 15 years?
2. Where would you like to live?
3. Would you like to be self-employed?
4. Can any of your passions make the world a better place?
5. Can you monetize any of them?
6. How important is having your own family?

Getting clear on the life you want will help you define goals that are meaningful to you. And to do so, doing a life audit is a great place to start!

9. Judging Others

You were not made to face this world alone.

Human beings naturally feel the need to establish connections with others. Judging others is also part of human nature.

However, we all know that judgment and gossip are not the best ways to build bonds with others.

Judging others is generally the result of self-doubt and low self-esteem. We judge others negatively because sometimes we need to find something negative about them to cope with the fact that we are less successful.

Successful people are often despised because others need to find negative things to say about them to cope with their low confidence.

These patterns are apparent signs of low confidence. And it harms you far more than you think.

You start associating success with negative thoughts and beliefs when you keep judging others for their success.

By judging others, you are mindlessly writing rules that you will have to live by yourself. If you keep thinking that rich people are greedy and have low morals, you will likely struggle to improve your finances, not to be like them.

When you judge others, you feed limiting beliefs that harm nobody but yourself.

9.1 How To Stop Being So Judgy

Instead of assuming you know everything about the people surrounding you, try to put yourself in their perspective to change your perception.

Understanding what people went through and how they became who they are will have life-changing effects.

This simple tip will help you be less judgmental of others and find what’s valuable in them.

We all have a little something special that makes us unique. No one is perfect, not even you. If you look for the bad in other people, you will find it. If you look for the good, you will find it, too. Choosing what you want to look for will significantly impact your relationship with other people.

The more compassion you show to others, the easier it becomes to show it to yourself.

You don’t need to love yourself first to see what is positive in someone else.

But finding positive things to say about others will help you be more compassionate with yourself.

Instead of judging others because you are jealous, congratulate them and try to benefit from their experience to learn and grow. This will help you achieve your goals.

10. Too Much Pride

Pride can be one of the worst self-sabotage patterns.

Sometimes pride makes us stay when we want to leave because accepting that a relationship is a failure can be hard.

Pride can also force you to stick to a plan that you know won’t work or stay in a career that makes you feel miserable because you are ashamed to admit that you did not make the right choice.

Sticking with plans that do not resonate with you just because you don’t want to admit that you were wrong is an unhealthy way to avoid your problems.

Your pride getting in the way will seriously jeopardize your chances of success if you don’t put it aside.

10.1 How To Get Over Your Pride

Instead of feeling like you have to prove yourself to the world or appear perfect, start being more honest with yourself.

You are not perfect; no one is.

Despite your weaknesses, you are doing your best to improve yourself and achieve your goals.

Lying to yourself will not make this process easier or faster.

People will respect you far more if you start to show up as the imperfect person you truly are.

Being faithful to yourself and your values and understanding that you are good enough will considerably improve your life.

Admit when you are wrong, ask for help when you need it, and apologize when necessary. These three habits will open you up to growth and success.

11. Always Being “Busy”

Another form of self-sabotage is distracting yourself from your life to the point that you completely lose control of it.

If you are always busy, you are basically running from something.

Being constantly busy is a way to avoid having to face your fears. It is basically a form of justification. You cannot show up at the gym because you have too much work. You cannot start calling clients because you need to finish the logo you have been working on for months.

By doing so, you are unconsciously overwhelming your mind, leaving you unable to focus on anything else.

Being busy is a form of self-sabotage to avoid getting things done.

11.1 How To Stop Being Busy

If you have a hectic schedule, your first goal should be defining priorities.

If you keep adding tasks to your to-do lists, you will never be able to complete everything. Using a priority matrix is an easy way to achieve this.

Here is the priority matrix I use when my life gets too busy. Instead of creating chaos to distract you from what needs to get done, define 3-4 tasks you want to accomplish and focus on them only.

Understanding why you are so busy is also key to avoiding repeating this pattern.

Are you busy because you are too afraid to work on your goals? Does being busy give you a good reason to avoid people you don’t want to hang out with? Does it make you feel important?

Understanding why you keep busy will help you cope with the negative emotions you are trying to avoid.

Final Thoughts

Self-sabotage always aims to protect ourselves from something we unconsciously see as a threat.

Identifying your self-sabotage patterns will help you find healthy ways to deal with the negative emotions that come along.

Overcoming self-sabotage will help you reveal your full potential and increase your chances of success. If you aim to transform your life this year, identifying your self-sabotage cycles and negative thought patterns is a step you cannot afford to skip.

Learning how to stop self-sabotage and understanding why you engage in these self-destructive behaviors will help you overcome your fear of failure to achieve your goals.